Everyone who has been a father or mother will know that putting a baby to sleep is not always an easy task . Many times we want our children to follow the same schedule as us, but the reality is that this, in most cases, is neither the easiest nor the most recommended for the rest and well-being of the baby .
In this information, two experts in child psychology and sleep solve 10 of the most common doubts of parents and offer advice to make going to sleep easy and even desirable.The first and most important thing that parents should know, especially in the first year and a half of their child's life, is "they have to have realistic expectations about the baby's sleep ," says Laura Pazos , child and adolescent clinical psychologist from experience. specialist in sleep and attachment and director of Sleepy Kids .
Most parents “ expect their 9-month-old baby to sleep through the night when in reality it is natural for them to wake up every 3 or 4 hours to eat at that age ”, for example.
That is why it is so important to be informed, to know the reality and to be able to adopt measures that help sleep . "If they don't have the proper information, they will feel that something is wrong with their baby or that they are doing something wrong," says the expert.
1- How is the baby's sleep?
The baby's sleep, reports Pazos, "is evolutionary , this means that it varies from gestation itself to 6-7 years , at which time it would have the characteristics of an adult dream."
It is important to know that " babies are born with only 2 sleep phases and that as the months go by, they will introduce new phases until they consolidate the 5 that we adults have (4 non-rem and one rem)".
2- What happens at 4 months?
“During the first months of life,” reports Amelia Hunter , infant sleep advisor and co-founder of Baby Sleep Solutions and pediatric assistant at the Instituto Superior de Estudios, “ circadian rhythms develop , sleep phases organize and it is observed how, month by month, the period of vigilance increases”.
The 4 months are a key moment in the evolution of the baby's sleep . It is when the first and famous 4-month regression occurs and " marks a before and after in the baby's sleep ," says Hunter. For parents, "it's a very frustrating time as nighttime awakenings increase, it costs more to put the baby back to sleep, there is more crying and irritability and naps are shorter ." It is important to reassure the parents since it is something " temporary " but that will mean "changes in the baby's sleep that will mark the path of her rest," says Hunter.
And then?
Between 5 and 6 months of age is when " a sleep rhythm begins to be established characterized by naps during the day and a longer period of sleep at night," says Hunter. From 8-10 months is when the organization and sleep cycles "begin to be more similar to those of adults."
As of the year , continues the adviser, " the changes in maturation, as a general rule, begin to slow down ." At this time, "one of the most significant signs related to sleep appears after 18 months, when babies go from two naps to just one, significantly increasing their wakefulness period."
From this moment until the age of 4, "the changes in the child's sleep will be very gradual , until finally, they do not need daytime sleep, they eliminate the nap and consolidate a single period of night sleep," he explains.
3- How many hours should a baby sleep throughout the day?
Rest needs vary greatly "from the time a baby is born to the age of 3, especially during the first few months of life," Hunter says. Even so, as Pazos points out, "it is very variable." Thus, for example, " a 2-month-old baby can sleep about 18 hours a day between naps and night sleep, while a 3-year-old baby could get 11 hours of night sleep and not need any naps," says the psychologist . childish.
What parents will notice is that " with the passage of time they will need less daytime sleep and the 11-12 hours of night sleep will be consolidated, although this does not mean that they are all the time ," he warns.
As a summary, Pazos offers the following guideline table in relation to the hours of sleep and the age of the baby:
0 to 2 months: between 7 and 9 hours of the day, and between 8 and 9 at night
2 to 4 months : from 3 to 5 hours of the day and 9-10 hours at night
4 to 6 months : 3-4 hours a day and 10-12 hours at night
6-8 months : 3h day and 11-12h night
9-18 months : 2-3 hours a day and 11-12 hours at night
18-24 months : 2 hours a day and 11-12 hours at night
2 years to 3 years : 1 or 2 hours a day and 11-12 nights.
4- At what age does the child's sleep stabilize?
It all depends on the baby . "Sleep from 5-6 months onwards is generally much less variable and you can see much more defined patterns at this point," Hunter says. Generally, " after 6 months and with the beginning of the introduction of complementary feeding , it is when a long period of night sleep begins to be established."
From 6-8 months , Pazos points out, " we enter a maturation phase that will gradually consolidate until the baby is between 3 and 6 years old, at which point sleep can be considered as that of adults".
So, following this idea, " a healthy baby can already start sleeping for many more hours at night from this point on ," says Hunter.
According to the experience of the co-founder of Baby Sleep Solutions, " when the baby has autonomy to sleep, sleep is consolidated and there are not so many nocturnal awakenings that require intervention."
5- Tips to help the child fall asleep
The first recommendation of the experts is to apply the principles of good sleep hygiene and try, as much as possible, to give you a good rest from the beginning .
“We are always asked at what age you can start to have a bedtime routine and the truth is that certain routines can be established from the moment you come home with your newborn ”, says Hunter.
From 5 months, the Baby Sleep Solutions expert recommends fitting the pieces of the puzzle that is sleep :
- bedtime routine
- Environment and environment that helps a good rest.
- Hours appropriate to the age of the child.
- Necessary disconnection time before starting the routine to go to sleep.
“There are 4 elements that we work a lot with the families, since they represent a base that helps the little ones to fall asleep in a calm way ”, indicates Hunter.
Many parents obsess over the amount of sleep their child gets when , in reality, as Hunter points out, “ it matters both the amount of sleep and the quality of those hours as deep, restful sleep provides many benefits for physical, intellectual and emotional development.
Having the appropriate information will make it easier for them to understand your baby and they will be able to help them sleep as they need at each stage, being from 6 months onwards the moment in which they can gradually teach them to sleep in their crib without your support .
sleep routines
A routine, as Hunter points out, "is nothing more than something we do repeatedly that helps our little one to relax, be calm and fall asleep."
With this, to facilitate the rest of babies, the basic pillars of Sleepy Kids are :
Follow age-appropriate routines: sleep what you have and when it's your turn.
Rituals: prepare them for sleep by creating relaxing activities that predispose them.
Dream environment: that the place where you rest is really a place of rest . Let the baby be comfortable. In winter it is advisable to use pajamas-blanket instead of bedding, since it rolls up on the baby and they generally do not like to be covered. It is also important that the temperature is adequate (between 19 and 21 degrees).
Realistic expectations: accept that being a parent goes through a more or less long period of waking up at night . Patience.
Many ways to sleep : a baby who only sleeps one way (for example, at the breast) and with only one person.
The key to a good sleep routine according to Hunter is “ that it provide the baby with calm, disconnection and, above all, that it works. Not all babies are the same and that is why you have to find what makes the baby change the chip so that her body receives the signal that bedtime is approaching and that she prepares to rest ”.
6- What is the best time to put babies to sleep?
The best time for a baby to fall asleep is between 7:30 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. This is "the most appropriate time according to your biological clock, your hormonal levels (melatonin cortisol) and your sleep pressure ,” Hunter argues. In the case of older children, from the age of 4, "their hours may increase but never beyond 9 pm," she points out.
In Pazos' opinion, although studies say that this is the best time, there is another way to know when a child has to go to sleep and it is through the so-called "sleep windows". , that is, "the maximum time that A baby can stay awake between naps.” Based on this, "the schedule will vary according to the time each baby gets up and whether her naps are long or short. Therefore, according to this theory, the last sleep window of the day is the one that will mark your time to go to sleep.
7- My baby stays up late, is there a solution?
There are times when, although the intention of parents is to put their children to bed early, it is impossible for them. Many of these parents start with the bedtime routine at 7:30 p.m. so that their son/daughter can start sleeping soon, but the reality is that it takes hours for them to fall asleep and, as time goes by, it is more difficult to calm them down because they are irritable and crying Because? “ It is something very common in babies and children who have a level of accumulated hyperfatigue and their nervous system is in a state of alert, which makes it very difficult for them to enter a state of calm that allows them to fall asleep”, explains Hunter.
It is important to point out that, as Pazos points out, “ generally this is not a problem for babies, but for adults due to the rhythm of life or work in which we find ourselves immersed, since we cannot adapt to the rhythms that at a biological level should follow a baby or small child.”
“ We are in an era in which there is a conflict between the needs of the parents (work schedules and leisure activities) and the needs of the children (regular schedules, routines and a suitable time to go to rest)”.
Added to this, “ is the fact that Spain has very difficult schedules, which is why we work until very late. (sometimes 20 or 21), we have dinner very late and we go to bed very late compared to other European countries. where the families are already collected in their homes at 18:00”.
When asked if it is possible to regulate the schedule of these little ones, Hunter indicates that " it is possible to regulate it and bring it closer to its natural schedule , also regulating hormone levels and following their periods of wakefulness." Here it is important to know that " it is not a change that will occur from one day to the next , but the change can be made gradually so that the baby's body adapts."
8- From what time is it considered normal for a baby to wake up?
To answer this question, we must calculate the night's sleep. For example, " if a child goes to bed regularly around 8:00 p.m. and we calculate 11-12 hours of night sleep , if he wakes up between 7:00 a.m. and 8:00 a.m. , we would consider it adequate," says Hunter.
Of course, everything will depend, also on the biological clock of the baby. For Pazos, " from 06:30 am is a suitable time to get up, although for adults it is not ," she reports. This is so because this time "coincides with the time of dawn and that at that time cortisol begins to be secreted to prepare the body to begin the activity."
9- My son gets up very early, what can I do?
The answer to this question is little , since " there are babies who are super early risers by nature ," says Hunter. The time to wake up, indicates Pazos, " corresponds to an internal pattern of the baby, so changing it initially is difficult ." But this does not only occur in babies, but as the Sleepy Kids expert points out, “ adults can also recognize these patterns in people who are more morning (larks) and more evenings ( owls) and this is totally normal."
Some general advice that can be given to lengthen the night's sleep "would be along the lines of not sending signals to the little one that the day has begun." For this it would be important:
- Keep the room completely dark .
- Don't change the environment .
- Avoid interacting a lot , especially with older children.
Another tip from Pazos is “ try to delay bedtime by 15 minutes every 2 or 3 days and see if it translates into a delay in waking up."
These early awakenings can be due to many factors and, as Pazos points out, “ be related to ineffective naps and too late bedtimes ", so the recommendation of both experts is to evaluate each case in order to give specific guidelines for prolong night sleep.
10- Let him cry so he learns to sleep alone, yes or no?
There are different positions for and against the theory popularly known as the Estivill Method. For Hunter, this " may be an option for some families, but it is not the only one ." At Baby Sleeps Solutions, for example, they opt for a method based on accompanying the baby throughout the process of changing their sleeping routines. “ For us, it is important that they feel safe, cared for and calm ,” says Hunter.
However, many families do not know what to do with their children's sleep and arrive so mentally and physically exhausted that they try all kinds of methods. , including letting the baby cry himself to sleep.
For Pazos, letting a baby cry to sleep is a mistake . "When these types of methods are used, what babies learn is not to ask for help from their caregivers when they need it, so we will put our attachment relationship with them at serious risk and we can generate learned helplessness." As she points out, " there are gradual ways to get there without putting our relationship at risk ."
